我们要在一起

Bibi，真的，真的，真的很感激你的出现。

11年前，两个小屁孩打打闹闹地认识，那是彼此抱着认识朋友的心态天南地北地聊。过后更成为好朋友。

9年前，其中一个小屁孩因为不成熟伤害了另一个；就这样失去联络几年。

4年前，5年的面壁思过和成长，两个小屁孩变成了小大人，彼此原谅对方，可是感觉却陌生了。

2年前，很心痛的一年，因为看到你被伤害，可是自己又无能为力。我哭了，过后你却一而再，再而三地给机会和挽回，换来却不是你要的。我真的很心疼，不明白为什么你要受这种苦。可是又不能阻止你。同一年，我也单身了。

1年前，慢慢对你有感觉，可是却不想破坏你们，也很怕因为没见过面，再加上从你口中得知你不想另一半来自不完整的家庭，我哭了。觉得自己应该死心。同一年，发觉你挣扎了，不知道应不应该回到他身边，我听到后极力反对因为我不想看到你再受伤害。可是我还记得你不想另一半来自不完整的家庭的这句话，心疼地收在心里。也是同一年，你说你不介意另一半的家庭状况，重要的是一个疼你，爱你，保护你就足够了；你也问了我那一个问题两次。我真的觉得上天给我机会，我那天回答你后我真的很开心，差点睡不着呢！！！虽然还没见面，心里还是有些怕，可是我更觉得我一定可以比他给得到你要的幸福。

2017年2月，认识11年的我们终于见面了。回想起，嘻嘻，前一晚还担心睡不着，当天早上接近抱着见家长的决心出发。哈哈，到了之后，出现的是一个那么没有心机，开心就笑，伤心就哭，完全就是表现原本的自己。开始时彼此还是会害羞，可是过后，11年的话题说不停，真的很神奇，第一次见面话题不断，而且还可以一起疯一起闹。晚上还可以聊心事，听着听着我就抓着你的手叫你不要害怕，我也不懂哪里来的胆量没问你批准就碰你的手。当晚，也是我亲口对你说：我愿意娶你。
过后你才告诉我你不会随便给别人碰，我听了之后真的很想打自己，真的很木头，哈哈。可是还是开心，因为知道你认定和接受我了。只是需要给你时间安排妥当一切。
过后我们就聊不停，我们越聊越理解彼此，慢慢地深入了解彼此。

今天，谈到结婚的想法，心里真的觉得很甜蜜，不是花言巧语而甜蜜，而是两个人的意见一致，都要两个人的婚礼。虽然在别人眼中觉得很不切实际，不过告诉你，管他们的，这是我们的人生，我们的婚礼，我们想怎样就怎样。这也令我更加坚定一定要更快的在你身边！！！

Bibi，我知道你很怕我难过，很怕对我不公平，很怕伤害我。你放心，如果我有这些顾虑，当初我就不会说那一句话。我很开心我们已经成为彼此重要的一部分，所以我才说我今年的情人节和生日礼物是最棒的。我要一辈子都和你一起，这辈子，下辈子，下下辈子都是。只要你愿意。我会疼你，爱你，宠你，保护你，和照顾你。

Bibi，我爱你，很想你。💕💓

人，有时候不能太善良

人别太善良，
也别太大方，
时间久了，你身边的人就会觉得你所做的一切都是你应该的。

即使有一天你撑不住了，累了，
也没有人会心疼你，同情你。
因为在他们眼里，这些都是你愿意做的。

太过迁就别人，
别人就会变本加厉的为难你；
太过忍让别人，
别人就会得寸进尺的伤害你。

心眼也别太好了，
不要什么事情都为别人着想，
因为，
有的人不会想你的感受，
你的难处，你的种种不易，
甚至连一句温暖的话都没有！
他们会觉得一切都是理所当然。

Sleepless Night Moody Night

I think today will be my sleepless night after realized what had happened.

I felt like being thrown into an endless cavern after you tell me that you have no feeling already. Actually I have sense you've been cold to me for a period of time, but I don't want to be in such emo condition and keep laughing and saying sweet things and word to you, but what I get is just cold respond or just ignore me. I know you are busy with your career and you also told me that you are tired after whole day working. I also tolerate with you because I just don't want to have any argument. I also know once start argue because of this problem, it will poses a high threat to our relationship. Previously you've been saying that I like to hide my own emotion to you. After that I have try to disclose or show my emotion to you but what I really want is just care from you. Although I am a man, but I will also get injured at workplace or other, I also have my own emotion and feeling too, I also need someone to care for me also. However, after several attempts to show you my emotion and feeling, I started to realize that if I keep showing my emotion, I will put even more negative emotion on you also. That is why I now try to be very happy so that you are able to ease yourself when chatting with me. But what I get is just ignore and cold response from you. It's really hurt.

Today when you ask me why felt like we are like getting quite far apart from each other. I also wonder why, then you said it is your problem and I treat you very good. When I read this, my heart was broken. Does that means no matter how hard I try to improve our relationship, neither work because is your problem? All these years I have try many different method to improve because I LOVE YOU but the answer that I get is like telling me that all my effort just wasted.

It's been seven years since we together and we have gone through lots of obstacles together. Are long distance relationship really that hard to maintain? For now I keep telling myself that this is just a transition period because you need to adapt to your new environment but I afraid don't know which day I will exceed my own limit and doing something unexpected. I now hope that day won't come. I hope you will not read this post or else sure you will said why don't tell you on the phone but what can I said is sometimes it is hard to say such harsh thing through my mouth. That is why I choose to write it on my blog.

Last, I want to tell you that we have been laugh and cry countless time and yet we are still able to go through all the obstacles. I just hope this obstacles can also go through together, I LOVE YOU!

If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realize how special you are to me.

Intern that caught my attention

I have gone through and guiding quite a number of intern students. But the intern that enter this month is really caught my attention. I have guide the intern for almost 2 weeks and what can I says so far is this person that I want to work with.

When I first saw this student, I am sorry to say that I have preconceptions about her. What comes into my mind is that :maybe just another student that just want to fulfill the industrial training requirement from university. Here, I would like to say sorry to you for have such prejudice on you.

After first several contact and guiding, I have started to change my point of view. I started to see my own shadow from the student (Sorry for my narcissism :P). I saw the student have the desire to learn and absorb as much as possible and I am able to get enormous feedback from the student where I barely get any feedback from others, I really enjoy receiving feedback so I have that enthusiasm to teach what I know to the student. (Friends who know me very well will know that I will not willing to teach anything when I barely get any respond or feedback from my student). Secondly, the student is just like a sponge that able to absorb what I taught and able to recall back when I ask. This is actually shock me, her learning ability have exceed my expectation.

After some days, I only found out that she is actually my sister schoolmate. What a small world we all are living at. LOL!!! After that, more and more common interest are found out and feeling like we are more like senior and junior instead of supervisor and "supervisee". However, sad case is that its just an intern, it would be glad if we are colleague as working with person that have the similar behavior with you will definitely have mutual benefit. 

I hope that after ended of your internship, we are able to continue as friend and also mentor to each other as I can see I am able to learn quite a number of new things from you (such as drugs, haha). Furthermore, we can share and discuss our common interest that unable to tell you during office hours. Last but not least, I am feeling happy that able to pass my related knowledge to you and feeling proud that I met a friend like you.

Let's keep in touch and wish you all the best in your study and future undertaking. You are welcome to find me or ask for help if you facing any problem. Cheers. :)

Breakage of Barrier

It's been a long day for me as what happened in workplace between me and my colleague keep on repeat and repeat in my mind. However, I am totally relieved after today several hours of chats, both of us has opened and expressed all our feeling to each others that lies deep inside our heart. Our barrier that barred us from each others has finally break, no more blind guess and no more misunderstanding.

First, I would like to say thank you to you as you still believe me when there's been lot of accusation on me by saying that I spreading negative news in workplace and etc. I admit I will become aggressive when facing unfair matter or I can consider as opposition party in the company. However, I am sorry to say that I don't think I doing it wrong as what I said is a fact indeed. But now since you already become my superior, I will try my best to control my aggressiveness. I act like this not because I afraid any action from management but is just because I do not want to put you in trouble again. I treasure you as my buddy/close friend instead of just mere colleague. 

Since beginning of the year, what I can said is that our misunderstanding to each other has become deeper and deeper till the day we talk. Partly of it is my fault as I believed easily from what I heard from others but not from your own mouth. Here, I would like to make a sincere apologize to you. Part of it is because of we are in head of different department and our department cannot have any conflict of interest or else other department will start to have misunderstand to both of our department. Thus, I hope you can understand why after we separate into different department, I tried to not to stay that close to you like before.

I have been working for some times and I can say this is the first time we opened our heart and spill all the words that kept inside to each other. What I unexpected is that the emotional impact that happened to both of us can be so big till both of us having emotional breakdown in front of each other. The good things is that this shows we played quite important role to each other other that colleague.

Last but not least, I now can tell you that you have gain my trust on you as you the first person in workplace that willing to share your feeling to me. Although we may not able to work in the same organization forever, but I hope we can be close friend forever.