Forbidden love

Actually my heart is very heavy when want to post this blog entry but I know if I did not say it out I will be more suffer. My intention is to speak out the words deep inside my heart and not to insult anyone. Therefore if you feel that this entry is insulting you, you are welcome to drop me a comment of kindly leave my blog.

Can you imagine that the peoples that you trust the most will use lots of ways to prohibit you to have a relationship with someone you like. Its very pain because the time you told them about you are in a relationship, inside your heart is full with joy at that time and you trust them so you will tell them. However, what happened to me is exactly opposite what I hope. Few of my friends who are already let their parents know they are already in a relationship, guess what their parents saying, first word is congratulation. I am quite happy with them and also admire them.

When I ask for the reason for prohibit us to be together, the reasons are: I am too young, so my view is immature. This reason  accept. Second reason is the reason that make me unable to tolerate, the person I like is not pretty and also fat. If I continue with her, she will affect their reputation in front of relatives, other peoples. When this reason is heard by me, I was actually thinking, it is very unfair to judge people just by looking at the appearance. I can tell you all that she is trying very hard to tolerate with you all, now she is on diet and about the reason that says she is not pretty, we will try our best to deal with it. I forgot to tell you somethings that the appearance of a person will change over time, does that means if I find another which is very pretty or prettier than she and after sometimes when that girl become older, will you say the same words again? As you know, to find someone that has a good looking face and a kind heart is very tough. We usually can only choose either appearances or kind heart. Even if I am so lucky to find this kind of girl, she also will evaluate you also. One more reason is due to long distance love and we have not much time to get along with, but why don't you give me more time so that we can have enough time to get along with?

I also know that after I graduate then only find a girlfriend but the problem is, it is very hard to find a girlfriend at that time because normally a girl will find someone that she can depends on him in the future. Therefore, their expectation will be higher. I know this because I got some friends who are already working. Secondly, in university although there are over 11k of students and lets assume that 5k is female, and lets subtract half of the female students were in a relationship already, it means only 2.5k of female students are single and some more some are single but not available. Therefore, it is very tough also to find a girlfriend inside a university.

One more phase that hurt me a lot is: "how can you having meal with her with that kind of appearance." This phases not only hurt me but also her and her parents. Then let me ask u back the same question, if now I were in a relationship with a pretty girl but suddenly her face were cut and left a big scar on the face, does that means I will have to break-up with her and find another one again? Another phase is: "If I insist to be with her also, then get the hell out of here and go to an island where nobody knows you." When she say this kind of words I still remain silence because I think that there is no point to argue with. Another reason that I don't want to argue with you is because I respect you. What I want is talk calmly and hope you accept my reason. I know this is hard and seem impossible to achieve.

Don't you think I also want to find a gf which is pretty, kind, respect to other, can take care of other people and etc. The problem is I know that I am not qualify to match with this type of girls. I know you put high expectation on me and I am outstanding in your eyes, but I know myself very well. When I start studying in university I feel that I was like a children that is being overprotected. I cannot adapt new environment very well and can't even live independently in a short moment. Therefore in this semester, I trying hard not to go back to hometown every week and trying hard to live together with my friends. Last year when I first study in university, I was stunned and feel afraid, afraid to mix with new friends, afraid to live alone. Maybe you do not now how much effort I put in to mix well with them. The effort is very huge and until now I was thinking it is unbelievable that I success to mix well with them and become really good friends. I also see a lot of guys which is much more better than me in university, therefore I know how well am I. Inside university already have so much guys better than me, moreover in the huge society when working.

One more thing is I am not that type of guy that will put love at the top. Now, love is only the 3rd place in my heart. 1st is family, 2nd is study and friendship. I know that you worry me because I am inexperience in handing relationship but why don't you give us a chance to let us prove it to you. I know that I am immature for now but not immature till the level that will blinded by love and exclude you all. I can promise to you that I WON'T.

Maybe some of my friend after reading this post will shocked but I know some of you already know my personality. Therefore I am very happy to have friend like you all, my housemate, coursemate, LL-LZ. Thanks for being my friends.

Now I thinking of one Chinese idiom: 不经一番寒彻骨，焉得梅花扑鼻香

Year 2 Trimester 1 summary

Year 2 Trimester 1 finally come to an end on 25 September 2010. Its a wonderful trimester and also a trimester where the subjects are quite tough for most of us. Anyway, now the final exam has already pass and what we need to do now is "HAVE FUN!!!"

Yesterday after finish our final paper for the last subject, LL and LZ all directly go to Ipoh Kbox to release our tension by shouting and singing inside that box. Haha, it is very enjoyable and feel very relax as the tension had left us. After 4 hours of throat overload, most of us has already lost our voices as our voices are like an old LZ and old LL. I also having fun when having dinner with you guys and gals. In the night, we still can go to cybercafe to fully use our energy to critical level. Its a tiring programme but it give me a lot of joy and is one of the memorable moment.

Next sem which is year 2 sem 2, all of us will have to go for industrial training at different location but luckily I still can work will some LL and some coursemate at the same place. XD I will miss u guys and gals a lot. See you guys and gals next year January. haha Take care. ^^

Feeling like defeated

Today I go check my genetic lab test marks, I feel like being defeated by this component. I can't even get half of it. haiz. I just feel like my result are getting bad semester by semester. I also know that this cannot be changed. I will put my hope on the other two component, hope that it can make me get a B in my laboratory 2B.

I wonder why I will get this low marks, what is the reason. Study not enough? Too nervous? The method I study got any problem? I admit that during the lab test I am quite nervous and got some questions I don't know how to do. Feels like I had disappointed few people. sorry.

Just like my friend say: whatever past cant be change, only the future can be change. Therefore I will put all my effort toward the final that are coming. I will defeat it and would not let it DEFEAT me again. All my dear friends, do not give up until the last minute. Let's get into the war of final exam together.