Farewell party

Last Friday 17/12/10 is the farewell party for ourselves and also for my supervisor. We are the one who organized it.

After organised this party, I can understand why it is so difficult to organize somethings. At first we have to discuss and discuss about the location, amount of people, prices, convenience, fame of the location. Whatever also we must consider before decide it. Haha, now I am feeling we are white collar, planning and planning and planning. Our mind also change from science student become marketing. Not bad duh. XD

Let's don't talk about the process. I just want to talk about this special day. Be honest, from the moment I wake up in that morning, I have no heart to work because my heart already fly to this occasion. (Hope my supervisor did not see this). wahaha

Since we are the organizer, confirm we are the first one who arrived there. Actually we want to wait for all the company staff arrived before we start, but the food is just keep on attracting my appetite. Then surely cannot stand and rush to take food. When kit yin they all see this, guess what, also follow us lar. Haha.

I am with nutritionist Ms. Erin

This one you sure know is who lar. ^^

My leng lui supervisor. (not available)

(Left to right) Kent Chong, Ms Ritha, Me

(left to right) Kent Chong, Pierre, Me, Hoe, Heng

(back) Kent Chong, Me, Pierre, Hoe

(front) Alexis, Pui Yee, Elina, Heng

I am with Ken Chong

I am with Mr Lawrence

playing Kai Wen favourite (背对背拥抱)

I dunno when this picture is taken

I am with Ms Elina

I am with Pui Yee ( I should kneel down a bit de)

Do you think that company manager is someone who very serious? If you think like that then you are completely wrong. At first I also think like that but after this farewell party, it changes my mind completely. My manager is just like to play until crazy like us. I also shocked when first time saw them crazier than we are. XDD

Don't believe? Let's see these photo. Then you will believe what I say.

Poor Pierre being torches by 2 assistant managers.

Guess what are they trying to act? :P

家庭主妇？？？

Act innocent. (wahahaha)

Part time camera model

GM also play with us, haha

Still not enough? I still got video. haha

Pierre bully by someone

This video is capture silently (but kit yin know it) swt.

In the end, we found out that we are playing more than eating. XD

Farewell party

Last Friday 17/12/10 is the farewell party for ourselves and also for my supervisor. We are the one who organized it.

After organised this party, I can understand why it is so difficult to organize somethings. At first we have to discuss and discuss about the location, amount of people, prices, convenience, fame of the location. Whatever also we must consider before decide it. Haha, now I am feeling we are white collar, planning and planning and planning. Our mind also change from science student become marketing. Not bad duh. XD

Let's don't talk about the process. I just want to talk about this special day. Be honest, from the moment I wake up in that morning, I have no heart to work because my heart already fly to this occasion. (Hope my supervisor did not see this). wahaha

Since we are the organizer, confirm we are the first one who arrived there. Actually we want to wait for all the company staff arrived before we start, but the food is just keep on attracting my appetite. Then surely cannot stand and rush to take food. When kit yin they all see this, guess what, also follow us lar. Haha.

Do you think that company manager is someone who very serious? If you think like that then you are completely wrong. At first I also think like that but after this farewell party, it changes my mind completely. My manager is just like to play until crazy like us. I also shocked when first time saw them crazier than we are. XDD

Don't believe? Let's see these photo. Then you will believe what I say.

Poor Pierre being torches by 2 assistant managers.

Guess what are they trying to act? :P

家庭主妇？？？

Still not enough? I still got video. haha

This video is capture silently (but kit yin know it) swt.

Happy birthday to you

Its your 18th birthday, actually it is a happy day for you but not because you have to take exam tomorrow.
For the whole day I want to accompany you but afraid that you will get distracted from revising.
I know you will hate me because did not accompany you but hope you can understand it. Next year when we meet I will buy doll, and birthday/anniversary gift for you ( you must accept it one, cannot reject) haha XD. Once again, I apologize that this year I cannot cerebrate your birthday with you and next year I will cerebrate birthday and also anniversary with you. I know that long distance relationship is very tough especially for you, you have choose to wait for me and I promise you that I will not make you waste that kind of time.

Happy birthday to you. I know you want me sing a birthday song for you but since you are busy, therefore I post this birthday song for you. Hope you like it. muacks. ^^

2 years since joining world community grid

It's been 2 years since I first join world community grid. Its a cloud computation by donating your free processor time to do analysis for projects that are good for environment and also human being. Now, there are currently 8 projects active, they are: Computing for Clean Water ,  The Clean Energy Project - Phase 2 , Help Cure Muscular Dystrophy - Phase 2 , Help Fight Childhood Cancer , Help Conquer Cancer , Human Proteome Folding - Phase 2 , and FightAIDS@Home. 


At first when I joining this is because I saw some article about it. At the beginning I also think that its waste of my time but after one month of doing it, I found out that there is a new drug that is effective in curing cancer and AIDS, inside that news article, they mention that most contributors are from members of world community grid. Last year, the major new disease is Influenza virus, luckily got this kind of computation programme, the vaccine can be done so fast, if not, it may takes more than 1 years in order to produce the vaccine. At that time, I think that I am doing the right thing and won't think that it is waste of my time.

Until now, I have conduct quite a number of analysis of those project. Below is my statistics showing me how much work I have help them.

However, I find out that most of my friends doesn't want to do so when I tell them about this. Anyway, I hope there will be more people can contribute into this programme.

For more information, you can go to its website: World Community Grid

The day after 1st stage of ISO audit

Yesterday I saw most of my colleagues are rushing around in finding files, documents, records, and etc except 5 of us. We are just sat there and got nothing to do at all. At first, I thought hope can sat inside the conference room with them but till today morning, I felt lucky that I did not go with them because there are so many NCR given out from the auditor. That means in the next couple of weeks, we got lot of things to do. Me, Kent, Yong Heng, Kit Yin, Shi Yiing has to be prepared.

Today my supervisor was taking MC for today and tomorrow, that means there is nothing for us to do. So, we have to do our routine scheduled work, on fb, msn, and etc. At the beginning is quite enjoying but after some times, I feel that even fb also nothing for me to play and start to find anythings to do. Haiz. After lunch, we start to invite all staff of the company to go for steamboat on 18 December 2010. At that time, we finally find out that Yong Heng is qualified to become a coordinator, seem like I have to find one day and promote him to elina. Haha, no wonder kf also like him so much ler.

Now only left 3 colleagues who has highest decision in the company. Kit Yin, if all of them are going then we sure have to reserved it first lor. I also feel that people who are working are quite different from those who are still studying in the way they interacting with people.

Tomorrow (Saturday) I wonder what can I do within that 4 hours, I think should be routine work ba, hahaha. ^^

Its already 7 weeks since I start my internship at this company. The time passes really fast.

Exhausted

This 2 weeks really make me exhausted and like doing a lot of exercise. From clearing the store room till moving stock up to 2nd floor countless time. Now I can say that my body is suffering from muscle pain, but luckily now I feel better already and feel like strength is gaining, hahaha.

Besides that, it is happy to work together with all my friend and my colleagues. It seems that although they are manager but they are willing to moved stock with us instead of just stand there and look. Today I wonder how are the 2 auditors looks like since one of our LL say that one of them is like 'lou gu po' haha. XD

See, our LL is learning how to use hand truck, haha

Taking small break.

Breaking the rules ( look at the sign board)

Next time will post more and more photo blog. Haha, lazy already

3rd week of internship

Time past so fast, now is already the end of 3rd week of our intern. 9 weeks left. Haha. Because of lazy to download picture during intern from facebook, therefore this entry will only in words. XD

This week me, Kent, and Shi Yiing will take care of the store, in other words, we are the store supervisor and is highly efficiency. Our pity Ms Anita has to think and think and think what to let us do. As time goes on, we start to keep our pace with staff and can do the job in a relax way.

Kit Yin and Yong Heng will go disturb the running of production as they are going in, hahaha. Just joking. Their task is to collect personal information of the staff in our company. Also thanks to their hard work, causes us can communicate well with staff of the factory and working in there is relax. Haha.

This Monday, we all so free until wait at the punch card area for 12.30pm to come, and when the time come, I suddenly hear the alarm siren followed by Kit Yin high pitch screaming. Haha, because it is the first time we heard this kind of siren and we though we activated the siren. Haha

One day in this week, after lunch, 5 of us go into QC room and start chatting about ghost story, actually Utar and westlake can consider full of ghost. Don't know is coincident or accident, at 3 something on the same day, blackout is happened in our factory twice. You guess what happened. As me, Kent, and Shi Yiing is surfing the net, suddenly our supervisor rush in and say the clock in punch card machine is rotating non stop and stop at 12:00 full of fear, haha. Then we go and see and find out it is the clock resetting itself only. Phew.

Thats all first, next week will continue. Haha

Forbidden love

Actually my heart is very heavy when want to post this blog entry but I know if I did not say it out I will be more suffer. My intention is to speak out the words deep inside my heart and not to insult anyone. Therefore if you feel that this entry is insulting you, you are welcome to drop me a comment of kindly leave my blog.

Can you imagine that the peoples that you trust the most will use lots of ways to prohibit you to have a relationship with someone you like. Its very pain because the time you told them about you are in a relationship, inside your heart is full with joy at that time and you trust them so you will tell them. However, what happened to me is exactly opposite what I hope. Few of my friends who are already let their parents know they are already in a relationship, guess what their parents saying, first word is congratulation. I am quite happy with them and also admire them.

When I ask for the reason for prohibit us to be together, the reasons are: I am too young, so my view is immature. This reason  accept. Second reason is the reason that make me unable to tolerate, the person I like is not pretty and also fat. If I continue with her, she will affect their reputation in front of relatives, other peoples. When this reason is heard by me, I was actually thinking, it is very unfair to judge people just by looking at the appearance. I can tell you all that she is trying very hard to tolerate with you all, now she is on diet and about the reason that says she is not pretty, we will try our best to deal with it. I forgot to tell you somethings that the appearance of a person will change over time, does that means if I find another which is very pretty or prettier than she and after sometimes when that girl become older, will you say the same words again? As you know, to find someone that has a good looking face and a kind heart is very tough. We usually can only choose either appearances or kind heart. Even if I am so lucky to find this kind of girl, she also will evaluate you also. One more reason is due to long distance love and we have not much time to get along with, but why don't you give me more time so that we can have enough time to get along with?

I also know that after I graduate then only find a girlfriend but the problem is, it is very hard to find a girlfriend at that time because normally a girl will find someone that she can depends on him in the future. Therefore, their expectation will be higher. I know this because I got some friends who are already working. Secondly, in university although there are over 11k of students and lets assume that 5k is female, and lets subtract half of the female students were in a relationship already, it means only 2.5k of female students are single and some more some are single but not available. Therefore, it is very tough also to find a girlfriend inside a university.

One more phase that hurt me a lot is: "how can you having meal with her with that kind of appearance." This phases not only hurt me but also her and her parents. Then let me ask u back the same question, if now I were in a relationship with a pretty girl but suddenly her face were cut and left a big scar on the face, does that means I will have to break-up with her and find another one again? Another phase is: "If I insist to be with her also, then get the hell out of here and go to an island where nobody knows you." When she say this kind of words I still remain silence because I think that there is no point to argue with. Another reason that I don't want to argue with you is because I respect you. What I want is talk calmly and hope you accept my reason. I know this is hard and seem impossible to achieve.

Don't you think I also want to find a gf which is pretty, kind, respect to other, can take care of other people and etc. The problem is I know that I am not qualify to match with this type of girls. I know you put high expectation on me and I am outstanding in your eyes, but I know myself very well. When I start studying in university I feel that I was like a children that is being overprotected. I cannot adapt new environment very well and can't even live independently in a short moment. Therefore in this semester, I trying hard not to go back to hometown every week and trying hard to live together with my friends. Last year when I first study in university, I was stunned and feel afraid, afraid to mix with new friends, afraid to live alone. Maybe you do not now how much effort I put in to mix well with them. The effort is very huge and until now I was thinking it is unbelievable that I success to mix well with them and become really good friends. I also see a lot of guys which is much more better than me in university, therefore I know how well am I. Inside university already have so much guys better than me, moreover in the huge society when working.

One more thing is I am not that type of guy that will put love at the top. Now, love is only the 3rd place in my heart. 1st is family, 2nd is study and friendship. I know that you worry me because I am inexperience in handing relationship but why don't you give us a chance to let us prove it to you. I know that I am immature for now but not immature till the level that will blinded by love and exclude you all. I can promise to you that I WON'T.

Maybe some of my friend after reading this post will shocked but I know some of you already know my personality. Therefore I am very happy to have friend like you all, my housemate, coursemate, LL-LZ. Thanks for being my friends.

Now I thinking of one Chinese idiom: 不经一番寒彻骨，焉得梅花扑鼻香

Year 2 Trimester 1 summary

Year 2 Trimester 1 finally come to an end on 25 September 2010. Its a wonderful trimester and also a trimester where the subjects are quite tough for most of us. Anyway, now the final exam has already pass and what we need to do now is "HAVE FUN!!!"

Yesterday after finish our final paper for the last subject, LL and LZ all directly go to Ipoh Kbox to release our tension by shouting and singing inside that box. Haha, it is very enjoyable and feel very relax as the tension had left us. After 4 hours of throat overload, most of us has already lost our voices as our voices are like an old LZ and old LL. I also having fun when having dinner with you guys and gals. In the night, we still can go to cybercafe to fully use our energy to critical level. Its a tiring programme but it give me a lot of joy and is one of the memorable moment.

Next sem which is year 2 sem 2, all of us will have to go for industrial training at different location but luckily I still can work will some LL and some coursemate at the same place. XD I will miss u guys and gals a lot. See you guys and gals next year January. haha Take care. ^^

Feeling like defeated

Today I go check my genetic lab test marks, I feel like being defeated by this component. I can't even get half of it. haiz. I just feel like my result are getting bad semester by semester. I also know that this cannot be changed. I will put my hope on the other two component, hope that it can make me get a B in my laboratory 2B.

I wonder why I will get this low marks, what is the reason. Study not enough? Too nervous? The method I study got any problem? I admit that during the lab test I am quite nervous and got some questions I don't know how to do. Feels like I had disappointed few people. sorry.

Just like my friend say: whatever past cant be change, only the future can be change. Therefore I will put all my effort toward the final that are coming. I will defeat it and would not let it DEFEAT me again. All my dear friends, do not give up until the last minute. Let's get into the war of final exam together.

Time to take a short break

Whew, after having over 10 tests in this semester, I finally can take a short break and feel relief.
However, I know that I still have final to sit. >.<||

At the beginning I feel that this sem should be more relax that previous sem because we only have 5 subjects but I was wrong, its getting busier and tougher compare with previous sem. Maybe now we are at level 2. haha

Besides that, I feel that From Year 1 Sem 1 to Year 2 Sem 1 I feel like my life is getting funny and happy because I feel that my friends and I are getting closer and closer. It make me won't feel lonely all the time. Thanks you guys and gals.

By the time I write this blog entry, I think most of my friends should back to their hometown and 'wasting' time. Haha.

LLs and LZs, enjoy your short break and lets fight with final together. ^^

[Share] To those who always smile but unhappy inside their heart

I read a post which is quite true and quite meaningful. I also have to admit that it also describe about me. I translate it from Chinese to English. The post are as following:

There are always some people who seem very happy day, no worries, like a child, many people will envy them, but in fact not the case. They do not want to let others see their sad side, but can not afford to be left alone, because when the dead of night, he did not know what will happen one person, sitting in the window came the drip meditation.

They seemingly very strong, because people think they could do anything with a smile to the face, but in fact they are long the world's most vulnerable soul, just long camouflage makes them difficult to find deep inside other people's wounds .

They just want simple, live happily and look forward and believe that each person's smile is sincere to hope that people around are really like themselves. Even if the views of other small, they will be another sad for a long time, they really, really mind, they do not mind being like.Because they always think of many others, on the other is always better than their own; to people who can enjoy good as well, like more than others like themselves.

They always did, before the second was also sad tears, after the second time in front of friends, has his face bubbling smile. Some say they were sunflower, yes, they care about people like the sun, in the face when the sun is always strong, beautiful flowers, the sun not shine on the back, hidden so well that sad, do not want to be seen.
They aspire to live as free indulgence, but who worked hard to move to another direction alive, very tired, still is willing. From his dreams become more and more distant, had to face never thought of competing and complex, fear, loss. Only the face of the most trusted person, will remove the armor, aggrieved tears. Because in their hearts, laughter is happy, crying is the sad, almost is like, away from that annoying. But is not that they understand, a good heart hurt, no holding back tears. After crying, smiled and was wiped away tears, said, okay, I can do well.

They seem to do anything, like always there will be no trouble, if any problems can be easy to solve, always like to like people in tears in front of smiling Douzhuo laugh. In the face of their problems, they are bewildered flawless face of their grief, they will hide in a corner, often unseen, the more slowly from the wound, the greater the crack.
Their idea was simple, say it is are thinking, the stomach will not Shui 7 8 of the lesser curvature, careless words can cause misunderstandings of others. So, please do not keep the pain to them, they do not want to harm from whom, a little mistake and you regret them for a long time. 

They are actually very simple, even you had given him a smile that he will remember your good life, so their world view is actually very simple, they can easily be confused, please do not hurt their feelings easily, because once hurt , it will never make up for not coming back! If you have such people around you to give him (her) even if it is a precious point of care, so that he (she) knows that the world has not abandoned them ......


original post: http://syringa.pixnet.net/blog/post/7529335

Precious memory part I

Well, those who went Cameron highland will understand what am I talking about. That's it, I will write about our precious memory from the beginning till the end of the journey.

17 July 2010 - What was in my mind during that morning is only cold weather, CAMERON!!! haha. Although I have to attend the genetic lecture, but I felt sorry to the lecture because my heart already on the way to Cameron. haha! After class and finish packing my luggage, I and Henry go to gather at Jying house. On the way, the sun shine on both of us till sweat, but our target is Cameron, so we crawl also will crawl to jying house. hahaha. On the way to Cameron, the most active part in our body is our mouth, someone just say our mitochondria in our mouth are more than usual people, because from kampar till we reach Cameron highland, we just keep talking non-stop, and half way, our LL's group start singing, and their sweet voice influence we LZ and start sing together. I was wonder we are the noisiest vehicle on the way to Cameron compare to other vehicle. Even the driver also say that he hasn't bring one group of people to Cameron are so synchronize and so active. However, during our way to Cameron, it rains quite heavily but it can't affect our heart with burning desire. haha

Ok, now our first destination is the place where Esther can't forget - The Bee farm. Inside bee farm, the most excited part is excited part is the bee hive maze. At first we though it is not tough since the place isn't that big, but when we enter, we feel that it's really a maze because everywhere seem the same, then our big boss - Andrew suddenly disappear from our group, at first we think he just finding ways out while 10 of us walk together. Suddenly Wei Leong shocked because Andrew sudden pop out from behind and when Wei Leong want to tell us, I heard Esther scream with extremely high pitch and he say Andrew. We all then chase Andrew and don't know is lucky or what, we found the exit. But Esther take some time to recover from the shock.

Second destination is Cactus point (if I am not wrong), the driver say we can see the largest cactus at here. Well, what he say is real, the cactus are big here, then what happened is our LL's groups members' camera start to suffer, haha. Taking photo non-stop. They even "kidnapped" the child of foreign visitor to take photo with her. I hope the child did not being scare by our shocking action. XD Besides that, our big boss - Andrew bring LZ to find some cactus with "strange" shape and we take those weird cactus photo.

After these 2 destination, we all hungry already, before that we go to HL relatives house, then only I know that her relative is very rich. So envy her lo. Haha. Then we go to our apartment and put down our things and go for our steamboat dinner. However, the steamboat did not satisfy our stomach and luckily there are a pasar malam so we still got backup, haha. On the way we walk to pasar malam, the fog is super heavy and can't even see what is in front of us. When we see this phenomena, take photo again. The pasar malam at Cameron Highland doesn't like the pasar malam at ipoh or kampar, the things that sold are very different. But we being cheated by one kind of fruit called guava+apple, after we eat, it just put the guava with syrup + colour additive, haha. After we eat, our finger plus tongue become green colour. We all bought a lot of food like, deep fried oyster mushroom, passion fruit, ice stick, honey with wax, etc. After pasar malam, we go to our pre plan destination - Strawberry cafe. Before that, we go to toilet located in a hotel, and we were lucky enough because got 4 >500cc motorcycles and 3 of them are ninja kawasaki, so we all ride on it and take photo.(I was still waiting for my photo on that motor). When we reach Strawberry cafe, first action is LL go take photo, haha. After that, we order food that are related to strawberry and we all post our menu to facebook, damn shiok. haha

After all sort of thing, we all go back to our apartment. On the way, we all sing again although we all feel tired. I feel so impressive about ours mitochondria. haha. After we reach our apartment, and do some normal stuff, while me, andrew and henry were having beer and playing poker with LL they all, then all LL tired and go to sleep but for LZ, we went into room and start Andrew and Henry pillow fight followed by our pillow talk. The content is confidential. We talk talk talk and then sleep. Quick charge for tomorrow journey. XP

Am I tired of being alone

This is the first time I am the only one stay in my kampar house. haha.

At the beginning I feel it is quite fun because the whole internet line is being use by me. After few hours, I start to feel boring, feel that want to chat with anyone else but the whole house is empty. Whatever thing I do today hard to say is complete, and also very easy to get tired and feel like giving up, mood also quite down. Is this show that I have tired of being alone? My answer is probably yes, I think that we have to interact with each other in order to cheer up our life by sharing our happiness, chit chat with friends that sort of activity.

Now the weather outside my windows is just like my mood, it is grey in colour, loss of colour, very dull. Although it is windy but it feel like the wind of lonely.

Before that I feel that we can live by ourselves but now I reject my null hypothesis and conclude that we have to interact or communicate with other people in order to cheer up our life. Our life is just like a paper with black lines and need to fill using friendship, love, and etc to make it a beautiful picture. If we lack of either one of it, our life like missing some part. Life without friends is just like living in a cell. Those who do not want to make friend or have friend is just like you got the key to get out from the cell but you don't want to use the key to get yourselves out.

My friends, thanks for being my friends and make my life colourful, thank you a lot. ^^

Phantom of The Night 2010

One word I can use to describe this prom night is SUPERB. It can say that the happiest moment in this trimester for now. The beginning of the prom start with a sadness but with an epic ending.

The programme got a little flaw but overall it can consider good. Anyway, I hope the waltz dance session can be longer because it seem too short. XD

My feeling for that night is hard to be describe using word, don't know is due to my limited vocabulary or what, haha. but enjoy that moment with all my friends is very happy and almost all my female friends having a make-up are totally out of my expectation, because they are just awesome and I am quite regret that I did not wear blazer, I will confirm wear a blazer in the next prom although don't know when, haha.

Kit Yin, thanks for fetching me to the prom and I quite 'enjoy' sitting in a car with 6 girls and I am the only boy. haha. Esther, Wei Yin, Yin Huan, HL, Kit Yin, Mint etc, you make me confirm that in Biotech, there are no ugly girls but only lazy girls, haha. cheer up, MISS BIOTECH!!! XDDD

I will upload some photo that I 'steal' from someone profile. haha

P/S: Click to see full size of picture

A new beginning – Year 2

Now is my 2nd week of my year 2, at last I am able to proceed to my year 2 without much obstacles. hahaha. All thanks to my fellow friends, without you all, I think it is hard because you help me a lot. ^^

Although it is happy to be in year 2 but I also see some reality because some of my friends are unable to proceed and they are either change course or under probation. So, I send my best wishes for them.

However, year 2 doesn’t means can relax. Year 2 means must work 2 times harder than year 1 because the subjects are getting tougher and more specific than year 1. That’s why year 2 must do double work. From last week until now, I can say that the subjects are not easy to master it because it is wider and more specific. I will try my best to master it so I can push my CGPA to my target. Same wishes to all my friends, gambateh in your studies. XD

My third trimester break

It is my 3rd trimester break, haha, finally my exam for this trimester has ended.

However, during the final exam period, I can feel that some of my friends change to another person who is only care about themselves and become selfish. I just feel that they taking the final exam more than friendship and other things.

However, I am happy because I still have some friends who is still remain as what they are. I appreciate that I can have this kind of friend.

Now is the time for me to rest but I started to feel bored because during the first few day of my break, I just stay at home and got nothing to do and some more I don't have transportation to go anywhere. However, I will take this break to let my body recover and take enough rest. So that I can have enough energy in order to facing the beginning of next trimester which is my Year 2 Trimester 1.

I wish all my friends can have a happy and healthy break. Haha 

Love that hurt

When the time you send me to told me that you have think deeply and decide to break up, I've got nothing that I can do but to accept it.

When the feeling of love start to fade away, that is the time we are being tested and both of us were unable to go trough it. It's my fault, I was unable to fulfill your need and request. When I want to say something I just don't know how to express it, maybe all of this is caused by me.

After break up, I was thinking a lot of things. I just can't forget what you say. I remember the time that we say we love each other, we make promises. In the end, all of it were just our imagination, without any reality. Maybe that is the problem will occur for long distance love. I also remember that you want me to promise that I have to sleep early, I have to release stress, I have to sms you when I go or back from school, and etc. But now, I just feel empty, my heart was empty, all left is just like needle that stab into my heart. The sweeter we are the more I hurt now.

The luckiest thing is that I can be your boyfriend, the worst thing is our relationship cannot last longer. I understand waiting is a suffering process, even though I say don't give up, but what does it can represent? Maybe less suffer will be better. If we love each other but many problems occur, I will choose to give up because it is the fastest and easiest way.

Now I started to understand, when loving someone, it doesn't need to have her repay, when I see you happy and enjoy, I would be your guardian and protect you silently. If I did not agree with you that time, both of us will be more suffer.

If we break up, maybe both of us will have happiness.

Is it wrong to have an interests?

Is it wrong if I have an extra interests? 

Why they disagree with me when I say I want to learn to play violin and want to buy one violin? I just told them I will learn from friend then they straightly say I will not learn anythings from a friend. Do they means I am stupid or my friend don't know how to teach? 

When I don't have this interest and just know play computer games or surfing the net that time, they keep on urging me to have other type of interest instead of sitting in front of computer. Now I want to have playing violin as my interest then they keep on disagree with me. What should I do?

Until now, I don't know whether I should continue with my interests or just give it up. In my heart, I really want to learn to play violin since I feel that violin match my style. Can anyone suggest what should I do?

Besides that, these few weeks until the end of this semester I am quite busy since got a lot of test to study. However, I will try my best. 

Why couple can be so sweet but

Sometimes I feel why couple can be so sweet but will break suddenly while some couple always quarrel but still can together.

Is it true that the more you quarrel, the deeper you can understand each other while sweet couple usually there is one party who only act like sweet only. So it break at last? Is love really that fragile?

There was an video say that we will meet 3 kinds of people. One is the person you love but him/her don't love you. The second type of person is you don't love but he/she love you. The third kind of people is neither you or him/her can say loving each other or not but just feel both of you appear in the right time. The 3rd kind is where mostly will lead to wedding. It is very meaningful.

Anyway, I wish all couple, please appreciate the other part.

Can put down the mask?

Should I put down my mask? I feel like I am acting in front of many people.
I still want to join my friends go here and there even though I am sick. I did not tell them anything any my illness because I don't want they worry. In the end, I am the one who suffer all.
I can't able to sleep well for few days already due to non-stop cough in the night. It really make me suffer till wanna cry already.
I know maybe some of my friend can see I have become thinner and like weaker if compare with before CNY.
Many people will gain weight during holiday or CNY except me, I lose weight during that time. Haiz.

Another problem is the tutorial for one of my subject. How can the tutor know nothing about the assignment and just told me to consult the lecturer. One more thing is the tutor did not arrange the group for group assignment and till now I still dunno who is my group member for that subject group assignment. I am the only BT student and others are other courses. Haiz. Now I even have to do pair work by myself. I now trying to tell myself that this is to train me to work independently.

Actually I did not want to say these out but I have no choice because I really feel tired of it.

That's all I write for this entry.

Stress...Change

Why I have already started to afraid of some subjects although it is only week two?
Does that means I can't catch up with others?
Is it a sign that tell me that my study method have to be change? But how?
I am very confuse about what should I do for now on. I tried to force myself to revise what has been taught today but for some subjects, I can't recall it back and ended up with lots of unknowns.
Which causes me become anxious and afraid. We are afraid when we facing unknowns or something that is not familiar with us.

I remember the last time I have this feeling is the first week when I first come to UTAR. I like lost and my heart is fulfilled by anxiety.
I think what causes me like this is the incident when I am still a child.
That year I not really remember what age am I, what I know is that I feel all my life is just run like what my parents planning. That time I really want to escape but I know I can't. Maybe it is what we called we can't change our fate. We only can obey our fate.
I believe many people childhood is very happy and relax but not me. In my memory, my childhood is books, dozen of books. My aim during my childhood is studying and get good results. The reason that my parents tell me is, you have to start studying when you are small then only you can catch up with others. During gathering with relatives, my result become the tools that my parents using it to compare with relatives' children. I really hate this kind of comparison. If they found out my relatives' children get better result than me, then they will scold me when back to home. I really feel I am like a tools only. In the end, I ended up in my house and don't even have many chances meeting and making new friends. Which causes me now afraid and anxious when making new friends. I try really hard to overcome this problems but luckily I success for few times.

During my secondary school life, is just do not have many difference. Whoever that I want to make friends with, my parents will say a lot of things and keep asking. There are a few times I and my parents argue because of this issue. I know many people during secondary school life will go out with friends during night but not me. I do not have any permission to go out during night. The reason is "danger". When people tell me that I am flower in the house, I have to admit even though this is not the life I want. What I feel is I am just like a piece of chess that being played by my parents. I just can't independent.

I will stop here. I may have to conceal my real feeling when facing with friends. If I disclose myself too much, I afraid I will ended up with no friends. I think I have to change even though it will be really hard. I hope I can manage my education very well.

The night before my motorcycle test

What word can I use for tonight?
Mostly is anxious, scare, and worry. I now trying to tell myself that I will be all right, I can pass this test, Its just a test only, don't worry too much. However, inside my heart, these positive and negative thinking is fighting violently. What can I do to reduce my stress level??? I am on a great pressure now.
I will try my best and will definitely pass the test tomorrow. Wish me luck and all the best. ^^

First blog entry for year 2010

Its year 2010 already and guess what. we all one year older already. Haha
2010 I hope is a better year and hope no unhappy things or incidents will happen.
The first mission for me in the beginning in this year is to get my motorcycle license in 14 of January.
I will surely able to accomplish my first mission although now I feeling anxious and worry about it. Anyway, I will try my best.
In this year, I have plan many things for me to do and will accomplish all the mission and target that I set.
That's all for my first blog entry for 2010 and wish all my friends all the best. ^^